Gracious Guest

How to be the best guest (ever!) at a wedding.

“Ummm, excuse me? Their are guidelines for how to be a guest at someone’s wedding?”

YES. Most certainly. Here is a place to find the poise you acquire before attending an event.

The moment you receive that gorgeous wedding invitation, you have a responsibility on etiquette, and, just plain common sense.  It may take a day or two to really research and see if you are available to attend the event. Once you decide to go, you need to RSVP as soon as possible.

{ See our previous post here on WHY an rsvp needs to get back in a timely manner. }

No one knows how much planning goes into a wedding like a Bride and a Planner. When you commit to coming to an event, be sure to follow through (of course, in case of an emergency, we all understand.). Once your RSVP has been received you will be counted in the total amount. From your seat at the reception you can start to calculate the costs from your slice of that table… linen/floral/rentals/food/beverage/service charge/tax etc. Once you reply “yes” do everything you can to keep your commitment.

Taking all of the above into consideration- it is now wedding day. What do you do next?

Location- please try to remember where the venue is. Too many times have we seen or heard of the Bride/ Groom and even family members get calls asking, “where is it again?” Contacting family or anyone in the bridal party before the big moment is not okay.

Time- Can not remember the start time? Or was it farther than you thought? Once you get the invitation, write down all the details in your calender/phone- anywhere that you rely on. Did you arrive to the venue on time just to find that there is parking and walking involved? Try to head out a few minutes earlier to expect delays. All of us vendors are ready for you to arrive 30 minutes early to ensure the ceremony begins on time, so if we see you before the start time, we will be ready for you. The start time is the time listed on the initial invitation. The rest of the day revolves around the ceremony beginning on time.

Hey, we have all been there, we have all ran behind. Calm down,  take a minute to breathe, and realize that if you arrive late that you will need to wait until AFTER the bride walks down the aisle. Too often we are asking late guests to please stand to the side or wait in an area while the ceremony is going on… and some disregard and actually take their seat “real quick.” Let the ceremony flow uninterrupted and consider just taking the back chair… after it starts. You just cut off the bride on her wedding day.

Since cell phones have become apart of our bodies- try to disconnect and be IN the moment. Especially when asked to put away your cell phones/ipads/cameras and drones. Seriously. If you notice the people taking photos and taking video- they are hired professionals and will certainly capture the moments you are trying to catch on your inferior device. Take a selfie with the bride later… on the dance floor. Do not crowd the aisle. Do not have your flash on. These photos tell exactly why.

Once the ceremony is over, you asked to join cocktail hour, move to another area. Please do so. We know you are excited to see the bride/groom/ the parents etc, but do not make a point to delay anything just to say hello. The truth is, they are all excited to have you there- that’s why you were invited, the day is actually for the bride and groom. They have a schedule and also want to enjoy the moment they are currently in. Chances are they will not remember saying hello to you in this moment, wait for another time when formal photos and schedules aren’t so tight. Plus, delicious food and strong beverages are waiting for you. Need we say more?

The cocktail area is (more times that most) in the same area of the reception. Do not wander. Do not touch things that no one else is. Cocktail hour is a time to be able to finish details and make things absolutely perfect… for you! Cocktail hour is a designated area just for you as well, do not pass go and do not collect $200.

See those closed doors that lead to where the reception is? It is closed for a reason. Please do not go to it time after time trying to get a peak. Our clients want it to be absolute perfection and they have hosted this for you. They all want that WOW factor when you enter in the room and see it in that pristine state. You are the guest, let the activities of the night be enjoyed and try not to spoil the last 18-12 months of planning.

Once Cocktail hour has completed and you are asked to find your seat, look for a seating chart/escort card or even ask someone if you are having trouble. We are here to help and want to help you sooner, rather than later.  See escort cards or favors out? Do not re arrange them. They were set up in a certain area in a certain way. Unless asked to, please do not relocate, mess with or change anything.

Upon finding your seat- please be seated. Don’t like where you are seated? Want to move around? Think it’s okay? It’s not. You were placed in your seat very thoughtfully. Your server knows where you are and what you are having for dinner. Unless you have gone through the process itself of placing guests in a certain seat. Think about it. Think about 50-300+ people that are coming to celebrate you, then think about each one having a meal choice (and some with gluten free/ allergies/ vegan etc.) then you have to throw into the equation that someone didn’t like/know someone and through all those factors you were seated right there… where your name is… in sparkles. Sit and stay.

Should you feel like it is your responsibility to take the cards from the card box, be sure to tell someone. Otherwise you have 10+ people trying to see where the cards have gone. We have a plan to tuck the cards away safely and you can rest easy knowing your jacket/purse is not where they should be. Unless you are the designated card barrier and have made yourself known, you can rest easy.

Throughout the night, remember, you are the guest and not the host. The host has plotted and planned out how everything would go, where they want everything to be etc. Same goes for the Dj/ Band they hired.  The Dj/Band has gone through how the night will flow AND has selected every single song or genre. If requests are taken feel free to give them- you will know when you here the MC say they will take them. If you do not hear this “all call” then it is inappropriate to ask. Please do not add to the speeches, alter (in any way) what has already been determined. Should you feel that something is not going the way you would like and you think you would like to change it, hold your tongue and place your hands contained in your pockets. Resist the urge to control the night. Grab a drink and dance to the beat… even if you dislike it.

We love cake. We love everything about them… We love how they look, taste and how the bride and groom share their first dessert together. The unsweet thing about the cake is how many guests are unable to understand where to be when this is all happening. Kids LOVE cake and if your mini humans are there, please be sure to contain them in this moment. If you are thinking you want a photo close up or a shot from another angle- be aware of where the professional/hired photographer is. When the announcement is made to gather around the cake, do not take it so literal.

When the night comes to an end, continue to be the great guest  you are and grab your sparkler, throw some rice, break that glow stick, toss those petals and do not stand in front of the photographer. We know it’s one more thing asked of you- but have no fear the after party is steps away.

Case in point of being a gracious guest. Be one. This is someone’s day and they only get one. “The biggest advice I’d say is to respect that the vendors know what the bride wants – so if they’ve asked you to do (or not do) something, you should respect that it’s in the best interest of the bride and groom.”- Kristen Weaver of Kristen Weaver Photography.

Have fun, you were asked to be there… you were a chosen one! Sit back, relax, pay attention and enjoy the night… after all, this is the “best night ever” for the bride and groom. Epic in fact, and you can help make it that way!